I’m 36 years old, divorced 5 years, with no children. I met a man who is 57 years old. He has three older children, all married, successful and with families of their own. We’ve been dating for three months.
My concern is our 20-year age difference. I would like your thoughts on how that might affect our relationship. Some of my friends think he’s too old for me, others think I like him because he’s well off (I’m well off too, I own a successful recruiting company), while others say I’ll get stuck taking care of him during the best years of my life. I don’t like all of this negative feedback, but I would like to be more clear on this matter. Does age matter when you’re in love?
It’s been said that “Age is a matter of mind — if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
This could be true if both of you are aligned when it comes to requirements, needs and wants. Do you know what his requirements are as well as you own? A requirement is something you must have in a relationship, otherwise it just won’t work. Fidelity or having children are examples of requirements.
Do you have similar needs? Needs are negotiable, as to when they happen, how, and where. If needs are not met, this will bring up issues between you. Both of you need to be sure they can be talked through to the point where they can pass the “AWIA” test – “Are we in agreement?”
Wants are the icing on the cake. It’s nice if they line up, but it isn’t necessary. As for the opinions of friends and family, we all need people close enough to us who can honestly say, “What the hell are you doing?”
In the final analysis, however, they don’t get a vote, and yours is the one that counts.